


is there somewhere

by mairieux



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Implied Cheating, It's sad., M/M, Well - Freeform, spoilers now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mairieux/pseuds/mairieux
Summary: Han Sanghyuk feels like a young god when Jung Taekwoon is right in his arms





	is there somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> sad but let’s get this bread

The heavy comforter lays against his hips, shielding him away from the chilly air blowing out of the air-conditioner. His legs shift, bumping to someone else's, and Sanghyuk lets his eyes open fully for the night.

His eyes roam, and he sees the white light seeping in the room from the unfiltered window. It falls perfectly against his partner’s hair, and Sanghyuk quite thinks that he may have found himself a moon god.

And said moon god blinks open his eyes, and he meets his eyes that Sanghyuk couldn’t get himself tearing away from it. A hand reaches out from under their comforter, and his gaze follows it when it rests by his cheek. Then he hisses, as he feels the cold, harsh metal of the wedding ring against his skin.

“Go to sleep,” Sanghyuk hears him say, soft and quiet, just like their little secret, “you have an exam tomorrow.”

Sanghyuk knows that well, after all, so he need not to hear it again. But he just tightens his lips to a line, and he lets his eyes close with fleeting comfort for the night.

 

 

 

Lips hang heavy above him, and Sanghyuk finds it almost charming.

The soft, rushed cries coming out of those thin, cherry lips that he so wishes to kiss – but that’s a little bit much intimacy than Sanghyuk can agree upon. And he watches, eyes flashing in front of him as he takes more, and more of someone who he doesn’t own.

His shaking hands clutch desperately by his arms, and Sanghyuk falls, and falls. It’s inevitable, no matter how hard he tries to avoid it. He can pretend, however – he can pretend he’s in love, and Sanghyuk knows the person above him is just as eager to pretend like him just keep to this game of house going.

This is right where it begins.

 

 

 

When he sees him in the hallways, in the classrooms, Sanghyuk sees the golden band more prominently than nights spent in stale, dusty hotel rooms. The blinding glow of the metal glints against his eyes in daylight, and somehow, it keeps him grounded.

It reminds him of who he is, his role in this play, and tells him of what’s not his.

Only in the bedroom, where a hand lays heavy against his chest, against his hips, the metal grows heavier. But it’s dark, and it’s barely shining in the dim moonlight.

He likes it better like that.

 

 

 

As a college student, he sees himself with actually more time than the others. He doesn’t know if it’s due to his lack of interest in organisations or clubs, but his recreational activities make-up for it.

Video games, reading books, kissing down his professor’s neck against dirty restroom walls – he’s quite an enigma.

Han Sanghyuk sees himself as an enigma, yes, but with his professor in his arms, and his legs pressed against his pants – he feels like a young god, the hotel room is their kingdom, and he rules once the lights are off.

With his hands trailing down his porcelain skin, and his fingers accidentally scratch his back, but Sanghyuk loves the way it is. There’s little to no effort on how to make the other tremble, cry, and how to make Sanghyuk’s name roll out of his lips like he’s singing a symphony – Sanghyuk sees clearly why he teaches music.

Softly, he groans, before holding his hips and laying him down the mattress. It squeaks, and that’s the last warning Sanghyuk hears before he pushes himself into oblivious bliss.

His head falls, against sharp collar bones that he couldn’t help but run his mouth over, but Sanghyuk knows his heart falls harder.

Arms reach up, wrapping around his neck, and this really must be how it feels like to be a god.

Under the yellow moon, with the hotel windows showing their unforgivable sin for all city to see, and he’s kissing the person he swore to himself he never would.

“ _Sanghyuk-ah,_ ” his name truly sounds like a secret when he says it, and Sanghyuk doesn’t really know if he prefers being a midnight rendezvous than a lover in the morning light.

He didn’t need to hear more, however, as he’s pulling flush thighs closer to him and his hips quicken with stuttering thrusts.

There’s that sting from the wedding ring again when he feels his hand against his face, but Sanghyuk doesn’t bother minding it, for he understands in that second what he’s being asked about and lets his own body lower.

Lips locking and tongues tangling, it’s enough to electrify him for the rest of the night

 

 

 

Rarely, on nights where they fell to bed earlier than usual, they sometimes leave the lights open and they take time to open each other’s hearts as if the moments where they spent hours pushing each other’s bodies in bed haven’t brought them so close already.

They both find it therapeutic, in some sort of deluded sense, to say their raw feelings under cheap hotel lighting and their cold feet brushing against each other under the sheets.

Sanghyuk lets his head fall on the other’s shoulder and his eyes hang heavy-lidded, nodding off as he exhales spent breaths.

Then, a hand finds his, and right in front of him, he sees how different their worlds really are.

“You took your wedding ring off today,” he mumbles, his cheek against a pale shoulder and muffling his words.

“I did,” the other shortly replies, and he watches him take his hand. In that quiet moment, they unspeakably relish in this barest intimacy they let themselves with. Too much of it, and they’ll know it’ll be their demise.

“Taekwoon,” Sanghyuk calls, and the name bears weight heavier than his wedding ring when it’s by the tip of his tongue. He rarely says it, his name, because even the thought of saying it makes him feel like this little thing between them unfolds and shows his deepest desires.

“ _Taekwoon_ ,” he repeats, anyway, because he likes it, the way it comes out of his mouth so naturally and perfectly as if he was the one who only gets to call him like this.

He likes the power it holds when he says it, and Sanghyuk loves nothing more than having more power than Jung Taekwoon.

And Jung Taekwoon, with his pale hair and stark features, softens as each syllable of his name falls out of Sanghyuk’s mouth. It doesn’t say much, but he knows what he means.

Wordlessly, they fall against each other again, and Sanghyuk, quietly, worships this.

 

 

 

Like routine, like cleaning his hands and dirtying them again, they fall onto another hotel bed with sweat trickling down their arms as they’ve spent time longer inside Taekwoon’s car tonight.

Sanghyuk feels something else coming over him, and he can’t quite tell if it’s desire or attraction. Ripping through him like tidal waves, washing over him and reminding him of the fact that this man under him isn’t something he can call his own.

It’s almost tragic, he thinks, as he feels Taekwoon’s lips ghosting his chest while he starts to lose more clothing. Frankly, he doesn’t quite remember when he’s gotten this… Dependent on Taekwoon.

Only knowing, by the end of the day, that he’ll be there for comfort any moment Sanghyuk calls him.

And Sanghyuk, the fool, feels his eyes welling up in the dark as he sees Taekwoon laying on the bed, face red and hair splayed against pillows. The moonlight lands on his figure so perfectly, shaping out his body on the bed like a sculpture.

 _A moon god_ , he remembers.

He truly, unfortunately, tragically, sadly – and all the other words that he can manage to remember at this moment – fell in love with a moon god, and Sanghyuk feels even more powerless than before.

 

 

 

Let it be known that, Sanghyuk, actually tries to refrain himself.

With the desperate thought already that he’ll always be just the second, second, second.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as his lips tremble while he hangs his head above Taekwoon, “I’m so sorry.”

Taekwoon just stares at him, silent, watching his every move. He doesn’t flinch when Sanghyuk’s tears drop down his cheeks, he doesn’t say a word when Sanghyuk pushes his lips against his and he tastes his salty tears in his mouth.

“What are you sorry for?” He asks after, hushed, and his hand is reaching out to cup Sanghyuk’s cheek again. His eyes don’t miss the way Sanghyuk’s eyes shift to look at his hand when he notices the absence of his wedding ring again.

“I fell in love,” Sanghyuk answers, rushed, and he lays a hand over Taekwoon’s on his face, “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to.” His grip tightens, and Taekwoon’s heart clenches just as hard. “I didn’t _mean_ to fall in love.”

“I’m sorry I fell in love tonight,” he says once again, and Taekwoon sits up from his lying position, coming up take Sanghyuk closer to him.

He takes him, hands trembling once again. But Sanghyuk’s even shaking harder than him, his whole body quivering as if it’s denying his feelings. So Taekwoon, with the smallest of help, presses his lips against Sanghyuk, as if he’s accepting him and taking him with every inch of being.

“You do look like you fell in love tonight,” Taekwoon finally mutters once they’ve broken the kiss, and he pants, softly, against Sanghyuk’s lips as he desperately kisses him again.

“Can we-“ Sanghyuk mumbles in stutters, as his tears fall down his cheeks again, “could we pretend – could we pretend that we’re in love?”

Jung Taekwoon didn’t need another word, and he just holds him closer as their lips lock once more. It says more than quick, last-minute thoughts that scare Taekwoon much worse.

There was a silent promise to himself at the beginning of this relationship, that he wouldn’t let Sanghyuk complete him.

But here he is now, just as desperately kissing him as they spend another one of the countless nights in a dark hotel room.

 

 

 

There’ll always be somewhere he can meet him. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much hesa as always :( you have no idea how much your words mean to me and I hope u know how happy I am to have someone like you!
> 
> rasha too :( thank you for understanding and listening to me even if I just keep getting sad over the same old things
> 
> I love u all :(
> 
> the songs this was heavily inspired were halsey's [is there somewhere](https://youtu.be/ekzveHAGSAo) and [young god](https://youtu.be/yqYTSbI2Xe4)! I've taken some of the lyrics from these songs, so giving them a listen after reading can give you a more in depth of the feeling I wanted to convey while writing this :) 
> 
> Let's talk! @[jaehwannied](https://twitter.com/jaehwannied)


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